There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
