Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
