All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
