our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
