I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
