before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
