I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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