hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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