I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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