remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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