It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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