My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
