you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
