I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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