i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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