My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
