24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My vagina just clenched in fear
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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