they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
