Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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