her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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