'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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