note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
