I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
