he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
