so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
