Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
