i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
