Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
