I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize