She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
