My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
