Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
