Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
