I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
