Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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