yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
