you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
