I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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