I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
