shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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