Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
