I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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