I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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