I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
