Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
