There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize