if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
