I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
