Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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