My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this beer tastes like vomit already
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize