oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
