How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
