Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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