Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
