Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
