Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize