Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!

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(515): View more from Iowa

hes a good boy he deserves a good blow

Fav 92 8208 1522
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(704): View more from North Carolina

She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.

(1-704): View more from North Carolina

I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.

(704): View more from North Carolina

Dude, you are the most awesome.

Fav 17 3435 972
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...

Fav 3 1424 815
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.

Fav 22 4790 942
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend

Fav 13 1380 781
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(702): View more from Nevada

I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy

Fav 5 405 193
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(618): View more from Illinois

I could tell my life story through kermit memes

Fav 0 53 12
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(602): View more from Arizona

At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil

Fav 0 58 5
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