yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
