I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
