i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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