i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
