You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize