He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
