Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
