Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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