I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am one with the molecules
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
